Bloody Memory
by FionawithAngels
Summary: Renesmee POV one shot. She talks about her life, what she wants from it and her mothet's unfair life. Give it a try! It's good.


A one-shot on Renesmee's thoughts about her family.

Renesmee's POV.

I wonder.

Will my future be a simple one? Like an ordinary human being or teenage girl? Setting aside the fact that I'm a...I don't know what I am. Werewolf, Vampire and human-all mixed as one. What do you call a creature like that? Whatever I am, will I be happy? Will my life be full of easy decisions?

Or do I have to just face the fact that I'm a monster of one kind? Do I have to always live in hiding? Hiding behind a human face with painted on expressions? Never being able to fully express myself? Be myself? Do I have to spend countless nights sobbing to myself? Sobbing for an easy life I'll know I'll never get? Will my life be full of crossroads and hard decisions? Will it be full of unwelcome surprises?

My mother-she's the perfect example of humane suffering. Sure, I could say Dad also had his fair share of a miserable life. But my mom? She had to face life threatening situations. She had to make painstaking decisions. She driven over cliffs repeatedly-dying and resurrecting again and again; and she kept doing it until she knew life broke her. She'd endured more pain than all the creatures in the universe-physical as well as mental. And what was her fault?

Falling in love with my dad.

She'd told me something a week ago-on my sixteenth birthday. Something she said she'd never told anyone before; not even my dad. She told me to ask her what was the hardest thing she'd ever done; and so I did. I was expecting her to tell me about the decision she made of giving birth to me; that she would tell me that was the hardest thing she did. I've heard of the painful experience so many times. But her reply was quite a blow to my mind.

She told me that the hardest thing she'd ever done was choosing between my dad and Jacob.

I mean, she always avoided the topic when I'm around and so does Jacob. She must think that I feel uncomfortable; I'm in love with the person she was in love with, back when she was a human. For a moment I was a little irritated. I was going to tell her to stop talking about it but what stopped me was the heart-breaking pain in her voice. If it were possible for vampires to cry, she might've done it too. It looked like she was on the edge of losing it.

She told me that she really loved both of them. Loved them enough to know that she would die for them. She told me that she didn't have any other choice. She needed to be with Dad, and Jacob was anything but with her decision. She told me she didn't know what she was thinking, hurting Jacob that way. She told me that you could actually see the hate in his eyes; the betrayal, the anger.

"Love is anything but fair, sweetheart." She'd told me, her voice breaking. "All it ever does is bring you misery and be unfair."

She said that even after everything that had happened, Jacob had come back for her-swallowing his pride, his anger, his family, his home, his pack even-just because she had needed him; right when she was pregnant with me. He'd stayed with her wordlessly, enduring the pain, pretending nothing had ever gone wrong between them.

But inside, she said, she could see how much it was killing him. Every time she had begged him to stay, he'd almost gotten wild with hurt-trying to forget about her- but he swallowed his pain in silence and stayed with her, through everything that had happened, until the end.

She told me that she'd felt like such a monster-a vile creature- for making him go through all that pain. She told me that Jacob had loved her uncontrollably- loved her enough to let her die for her happiness, even if it killed him. Mom said that Jacob had always thought he didn't deserve her, but that it was the complete opposite. She told me that she didn't deserve him. If you do love someone, how could you put that person through so much pain? She said that it's better just to kill yourself then and there.

And she told me to mention the misery she put Dad through. He just had to sit in silence and watch her die. She'd never felt so low before- she was hurting the person she said she loved. She said Dad had been merciful to her and he had still forgiven her, after everything she'd put him through. She said that she did not deserve him either. That she was ready to watch him die while she was satisfied.

She told me that she was really happy that I was born. Not only because I was her daughter, but because I was the only one who could have healed the wounds in Jacob's heart. She told me that she wasn't worthy of saying sorry to Jacob, but that she was glad that she could finally make up for hurting him. She told me I was Jacob's saving grace- a gift no one else could make- and that she was proud of me for being her apology. She told me she was proud of the woman I'd become and that she'll never stop loving me. She kissed me on the forehead and then rigidly walked away.

I know that Jacob and my mom, both had moved on. But sometimes when Jacob thinks I'm not looking, he stares at her with a confused look on his face; and she stares at him right back. I'm not angry at him, because I don't blame him. He'd gone through hell just because of falling in love...just like my mom.

I don't want to end up like my mother; and even when that's a vile and merciless thing to say, it's true. I don't want to hurt anyone in my life. Not like my mom hurt my dad and Jacob. I want to make people happy, not be a monster. I can't get attached to too many people because mom's right-love destroys everything you love.

I dreamed of being normal my whole life. Maybe I'll never get there; never be a normal teenage girl with normal friends and a normal boyfriend-in the physical sense- but I can at least try to be happy with what's given to me.

Right?

Because what I have?

It's a gift no being other than my family can give me-love.

I live in love and happiness-currently.

And for that I'm forever more than grateful


End file.
